Telling Stories

Our kids are hard-wired from birth to love stories. From the time they’re young enough to comprehend the simplest of plots, they’re hungry for more and more stories. I remember the bookshelf in my daughter’s bedroom filled with those skinny “Golden” books. They were wonderful; The Gingerbread Man, Hansel and Gretel, Peter Pan, The Jungle Book, Beauty and the Beast. The list could go on, but the one that stands out most (maybe because I have daughters) was Cinderella. Something about the beautiful dress, the grand ball, the Fairy Godmother and the dashing prince forged in their collective memories a picture of true romance. There’s something about danger, betrayal, loyalty, bravery and undying affection that creates in our hearts a template for “true love;” we’re drawn to these things because we want to believe that “happily ever after” is the end of our story too.

When my kids got tired of reading their books, they’d often turn to me and simply say “tell me a story daddy…about when you were young.” On my good days, I saw this as a chance to shape their character by telling them about the lessons that I’d learned in life through the gift of storytelling. Tell me a story daddy! Ironically, I can still hear them saying that today. They’re all teenagers now, and it’s kind of hard to hear the request, what with all the CD’s blaring, the incessant “I.M.-ing” and the ring of the cell phone. But if you listen long enough, you might hear it too. Children never stop asking their parents to tell them stories. But pay close attention. They’re not asking you to lecture them. They’re not asking you to give them advice. Its not a request for a sermon, a list of rules or performance expectations. Story. Just tell them a story.

People spend countless amounts of money studying, researching, and analyzing data in an attempt to understand this thing called “love.” But what captures the essence of it better; a research report or a movie, a bar graph or Peter Parker saving the life of his true love in Spiderman? (ok, maybe I could have picked a better movie, but I think you get the point!) It’s the story that has the power to shape lives! And believe it or not mom and dad, you still possess great power as storytellers.

My wife and I were talking the other day about sequels. What would the sequel to Cinderella be like, we wondered? In the first story, the curse is broken, the prince sweeps the young handmaiden off her feet and takes here to his castle where, and I quote, “They lived happily ever after…” We agreed, it was a great ending for a fiction story, but a lousy one in the world of non-fiction; the real world. If we were to write a sequel to Cinderella, what would it be like?

Here’s some samples from the first draft of our manuscript. Cinderella eventually has three kids and never again fits into the dress she wore that night. In fact, these days the only time she even wears one (it’s a knit one to accommodate the…uh…baggage) is for the kids’ Christmas programs at school; the rest of the time, its sweats and jeans. Once upon a time…Prince Charming had a beautiful head of jet-black hair. That hair has since migrated from his head to his back leaving behind a shiny, slightly wrinkled cue ball of a head. His hips are shot from riding the horse and of course, the uniform doesn’t fit either! The job of being “prince” is pretty demanding and not nearly as glamorous as either of them thought; meetings, long hours, travel, stress and frustration have led to some pretty difficult times around the castle. Life has not been easy even for Cinderella and the Prince. That’s the thing about non-fiction; it’s not neat and tidy, it doesn’t resolve all the tension into a neat “happily-ever-after.”

Even still, its not hard to see the spark that once burned brightly. Cinderella-mom catches Prince Charming-dad’s eye over a dinner of screaming kids and spaghetti. They smile a knowing smile. It’s deep and filled with the knowledge that this chaos called their life together was a choice; one made out of innocent love. One made without full knowledge of what they were getting into, but made with sincere devotion and commitment never the less. And over the years that love has become beautiful in a way they could have never imagined; deeper, more complex…more mysterious and stronger than they ever expected. When the prince put the glass slipper on her foot he knew she was someone special. He chose to marry her, but he had no idea how special their love would become. Without time, devotion, struggle, risk and pain, there’s no way he could have known. But he’s never regretted his decision. Neither did Cinderella. Now that’s a story!

Mom’s and dads, keep telling stories to your kids! The fact that they’re older now only means the stories you tell have to be better; more fact than fiction. Tell them about life, not fantasy. Tell them the stories of your marriage. Inspire them, challenge them, love them by being honest about the lessons you’ve learned. To be sure, you’ve made mistakes. When and where its appropriate share those lessons. You still have a chance to shape your children’s’ understanding of (and hope for) married life. If you don’t, there’s an entire industry out there that will try to fill that void with their own stories; its called Hollywood!

Cinderella ends with the line; “…and they lived happily ever after.” Cinderella “Part 2” ends like this: “…and it was harder than they ever imagined but greater than they ever dared to hope!”

This is a story worth telling again and again and again…